tinka b ([info]agadinmar) wrote,
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Replica - Chapter III

Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Severus and Harry are completely mine. So are the easterbunny, Santa Claus, Pippi Langstrumpf, Mickey Mouse...
Feedback: Yes, please! I'd love to know what you think!
A/N: Thanks to dragonquills! *hugs*

III. The wounded lion

With a short flick of his wand a large white blanket unfurled itself over his ancient desk, and Severus placed the box he had fetched from his store room upon the now perfectly covered surface.

The last time he had used the treasures that the box held had been in the field during the war, and he felt his growing anticipation as he reached for them. As soon as his finger closed around the steely handle of one of his instruments, he remembered every move, every knack. It was like slipping into well-worn shoes or his favourite robe.

God, he had loved to work with them!

He lined the instruments in a row on his desk so that he would have easy access to them. Then he took out a pair of magical glasses, which would gave him a microscopic view into any wound; a set of tinctures and salves, a bottle of his strongest disinfectant, self-adjusting bandages, and a high jar filled with a golden liquid.
In the middle of the fluid swam a large fleshy sphere which parted into two eyelids, revealing a huge, purple eyeball. The eye blinked angrily at its exposition to the light in Snape’s quarter.

During the whole procedure of setting his desk for the examination of Potter’s arm Severus hadn’t wondered if Potter would be waiting in front of his office or if he would have walked away – he already knew that the broken figure that was Potter would patiently wait for him as long as the badly injured man would be able to stand on his feet without collapsing from exhaustion.

With a last look over his office Severus went for the door. It was time to retrieve the poor sod.

The corridor leading to his office seemed to be completely empty. Although it was mid-term there were no students anyway near his rooms. The students and even most of the staff eschewed his part of the old castle, avoiding him and his bad temper like the plague.

He nodded towards the empty space in front of him, and then stepped aside to let Potter in. A soft silky rustling told him, what he had already supposed: Potter was still there, waiting for his help.

The door closed with a barely audible thud as Severus turned around to his apparently empty office.

“Since I can smell your unspeakable odour in my rooms, I take it that you agree to my terms?”

“Yes…” the black haired head appeared out of nothing. “We have a deal.”

“Very well, Mr Potter. Take a seat then, I want to examine your injury first.”

The young man sat down in front of Snape’s desk, eyeing the various instruments and vials suspiciously.

Severus watched the expression of Potter’s face turning from fear to nervousness and then to curiosity.

“What are all these things for?” the young man asked in a husky voice. His amazement perfectly audible.

“Far be it from me to stop your vivid interest for a subject I could teach you, but I thought you came here for help and not for a lesson in Magical Medicine.”

Potter nodded and slowly stretched his wounded arm out, so that he could rest it on the armrest.

“Your instruments…uhm…they look quite professional. I didn’t know that you are –“

“I am not a trained medi-wizard, if that’s what you are asking for. At least I was not trained in the usual way.” A smile spread across Severus’ thin lips. “Although their technique is rather astounding the medical knowledge and the impressive medical developments of the Dark side are neither widely-used, nor commonly accepted.”

“Oh…you were trained by Death Eaters?” Potter’s surprise was obvious.

“Even the Dark Lord needs someone to look after his war-shattered body – and as you have mentioned before, Potions Master and medi-wizard likewise need an extensive knowledge about the human body and body functions, and the reactions if one is exposed to certain substances. So it was the obvious choice for the Dark Lord to provide an additional training for those, who already had one or the other proficiency.”

With pale fingertips Severus lifted the muddy robe from Potter’s arm to have a look at Potter’s self-made bond.

The improvisational bandage was completely soaked with a mixture of blood and dirt, and a sickening smell was streaming off the hackneyed piece of cloth.

“Merlin! When was the last time you have cleaned the wound?” Severus frowned staring into Potter’s nervously blinking green eyes. Without answering his question, Potter broke the eye-contact and looked down.

“Potter, the disgusting odour surrounding your emaciated body is the distinct indication for a thoroughly infected wound. Do not tell me you have not realised it!”

Snape eyed the mangy sleeve again, then reached for the cloth and unfolded it, trying to avoid sharp tugs as he ripped the sticky bandage from the wound. His bad temper insisted to simply pull the bandage off without caring for Potter’s anguished face – the disastrous state of his injury was his own fault after all, but despite his bad mood Snape’s fingers worked nearly gently.

The bandage was more than amateurish and the closer Severus got to the wound the stronger grew the nauseating smell, until he could barely stand it. Severus was used to injuries, even to bad infected ones, but one thing he had never been able to deal with was the pungent malodour of a decaying body.

He felt the common heat throbbing in his stomach, and he had the disturbing feeling that the heavy, tangy cloud that seemed to drip of every single pore of Potter’s arm was suffocating him, bereaving him of every inch of air that was in his lungs.

When he finally removed the last sticky layer of bandage his gaze felt on a swollen and deformed forearm. The wound proceeded in a snake-like way from the wrist up to the middle of Harry’s upper arm, and the whole lesion was cankerous and coated with a greenish fluid.

“For heaven’s sake, Potter!” Snape pressed himself not to show his discomfort. The last thing he would do was vomiting in front of Potter of all people, although the situation was actually challenging his stomach.

“No wonder that your arm hurts. Considering the state of infection it is miraculous that you haven’t died the painful death of a septicaemia yet. The yellow substance is purulence…Merlin…”

Severus took a white cotton ball from his desk and reached for a shiny collecting pan, so that he would have a place to drop the used pieces of cotton wool.

“I will start to clean your wound now, Potter, which will most certainly hurt to an objectionable degree.”

“It will be ok. I won’t feel it. -- I suppose you could cut my whole wrist off and I would even recognise the pain. I’ve been in a constant pain for so long now…and the way the wound is aching is stronger than any pain I had before…”

With another dark glaze at Potter’s mess of an arm Severus dropped the dabber and took a small vial from the box.

“This” he showed Potter the small vial, “contains a very competent analgesic, which might possibly be strong enough to alleviate your pain.”

Severus waited until Potter’s hoarse voice broke the silence.

“Uhm…well, am I not supposed to drink it?”

“Of course, you have to ingest it. But first…What had caused the wound? It doesn’t look like a cut…” Severus asked, a sneer on his thin lips underlining his question and his fingers playing with the stopper of the vial.

“It was…uhm…some sort of cord. A cord that was wound around my arm…”

“To shackle you?” Severus raised a black eyebrow as he tried to catch Potter’s nervous gaze.

“Yes, to bind me. I was captured for one or two days…” Potter swallowed visibly.

“I see, - though I can’t say that your explanation makes sense to me.” Severus opened the small vial and pressed the tip of it to Potter’s dry lips.

“Drink.” He commanded and tipped the bottle so that it’s thick liquid run into the younger man’s mouth.

Severus watched Potter’s face twist in discomfort as the distasteful medicine hit his tongue. There was no way to compensate the foul taste of dire bear blood which was an essential ingredient in this potent mixture.

“How long does it take this analgesic to work?” Potter asked, whipping his mouth with the back of his left hand.

“Don’t you feel any better?”

“No…nothing different.” The green eyes watered slightly. “Maybe there’s nothing that’ll make it go away…”

“That’s ridiculous, Potter. I haven’t even started a proper examination of your injury, so stop fretting about what might be!” Severus barked. He took a piece of the cotton wool and eyed the badly cankerous arm again.

Although he didn’t mention it to Potter Severus took it as a rather bad sign that the analgesic had had no effect on Potter. It was, after all, a very powerful potion brewed with the finest ingredients, and it should have eased Potter’s pain away within a blink of an eye.

Definitely not a good sign.

Severus started the cleaning at the rim of the wound. Slowly wiping away the viscous pus and waiting for any sign of discomfort from Harry. As the young man remained silent Severus looked up at him while placing the used cotton into the collecting pan.

He had seen grown men crying madly about injuries that were not even half as bad as Potter’s was, so he wondered how much pain this young man could take, how long he’d suffer until he would loose his mind. This was hardly comparable to a curse, though the Cruciatus would surely be more painful; pain from an actual wound, stinking and throbbing, was much more frightening than any after effect a curse can provoke.

Snape saw the dirty fingers of the younger wizards left hand grab at the armrest of his chair until the knuckles stood out white against his usual bronze taint.

“Bearable?” Though his interest in Harry’s well-being was completely of professional nature as he didn’t want to have to deal with an unconscious Potter who’d passed out during his first aid, Severus felt silly asking this question. Potter would have most certainly complained if he couldn’t bear this treatment.

“It’s…it’s alright. I barely feel it.”

With a short nod Severus took the next cotton patch cleaning off more and more purulent fluid from the wound, revealing a red mouth-like gap along Potter’s arm.

He had to repeat the action four or five times until the wound looked clean and free off the greenish substances.
Placing the collecting pan aside he reached for his magical glasses. Tossing his lanky hair back in a swift movement he put the pair of glasses on, twinkling a few times to adjust to the new way of viewing.

The glasses focussed like normal eyes would, magically zooming in and out on everything Severus looked at. In a second Severus had a microscopic view into the red abyss that was Potter’s wound.

Every single cell Severus saw seemed to be infected and leaking the badly stinking fluid into the gap where the flesh was actually torn apart. The colour of the cells was also alarming him. This was neither the fresh pink of healthy flesh nor the usual feverish red of an infection. The cells were practically burning in the most violent red Severus had ever seen.

Similarly unusual was the wound itself. The rims of the gaping mouth of flesh weren’t straight so they weren’t produced by a knife or something similar sharp. But also the rims weren’t burned or torn as they would be if they were the result of a magical hit. The flesh wasn’t mangled like after an animal attack, nor were there hints of bruises which would underline Potter’s story of the shackling.

Snape eyed the wound for another minute just to make sure that he hadn’t overlooked something. He was convinced that Potter had lied to him. There was no possible way that the injury was caused by shackles. Moreover it looked like Potter’s flesh had burst under a thorough beating.

But why for Merlin’s sake should Potter lie about that?

Still lost in his thoughts Severus looked up from Potter’s arm, scanning the table for the antiseptic lotion he had placed there when he heard a low chuckling beneath him.

“You look like the bad tempered brother of Professor Trelawney with those glasses.” Potter grinned at him. “Or a fly…yes, a man-sized, angry fly!” Another chuckle.

“You won’t believe how happy I am to amuse, Mr. Potter.” Severus frowned at the young man in front of him, his brows furrowing over his magically enlarged eyes.

“I think I would laugh my ass off if my arm wouldn’t be hurting like it was burning from the inside.” The young man snickered.

“Yes, you must find jokes about spectacles absolutely funny.” Severus sneered as Harry’s face blushed in light embarrassment and his unharmed hand reached absentmindedly for his own pair of glasses.

“Far be it from me to question your Gryffindor honesty, but these spectacles – as ridiculous as you may find them – tell me that your wound can not be the result of a shackling.”

“Are you telling me that I’m lying?” Potter looked flushed.

“No.” Snape’s thin lips parted into a grin. “Your wound is telling me that you are. Maybe your often praised cleverness had suffered during the war and you might not see the necessity to inform me, but I do not intend to waste my time on guessing what might ail our beloved boy-who-lived-until-he-died-by-a-mysterious-infection.”

“I…ok, ok…Fine. If you’re such a genius, why don’t you tell me how all this happened?” Potter looked anywhere but at his former Professor.

“So, you admit that the shackling was a lie?”

The young man sat quiet in his chair, looking up at Snape every now and then, without saying a word.

It felt like a flashback to a time, when Potter had still been his student. Severus couldn’t count all the times he had held Potter after class, both of them sitting or standing in front of each other, arguing over Potter’s fault, misbehaviour or insolence (or the combination of all three); both unwilling to offer a compromise or admit a fault.

Potter had always been as stubborn as his loathsome father, and Severus had never moved an inch for a Potter-typical show of insolence – neither for James, nor for his son. And Merlin knew that he wouldn’t start now.

With an annoyed sigh Severus heaved the heavy jar from the desk and held it with pale fingers in front of Potter.

“Potter, your wound is the result of a thorough beating or of a shackle? Answer my question!”

“Shackling, god damn!” Potter hissed, and as his eyes felt on the jar holding the eyeball he gave a low shriek of surprise.

“God, that’s disgusting!”

One of his black eyebrows arched up as and he couldn’t hide a dismissive smile, knowing to well what Potter was referring to.

“What is it, Mr. Potter that makes you so uncomfortable?”

“The eyeball is blinking at me…”

“Yes, of course, it is. That is why I brought it here. “

“To blink at me?” Potter frowned at the huge jar on the desk. “Why?”

“That, Mr Potter, is ‘the Eye of Trusk’”, Snape started his little lecture, smiling inwardly. Oh, he was curious how Potter would take this delicate piece of information.

“Trusk, as you must know, was a very powerful and intelligent wizard who lived in the 17th century. In those years the wizarding Britain was not ruled by a government as you know it, but it was a Kingdom led by a royal family of pure bloods. It was the year of Queen Rolanda when Trusk was ordered to her castle to help the Queen with an ancient spellbook she had bought from a wizard from China. Queen Rolanda was not able to decipher the Chinese charms, but Trusk was trained in seven languages and one was, of course, Chinese. Unfortunately the intelligent wizard was also a notorious liar. Instead of translating the spellbook for the Queen, he had copied the charms and spells for himself, and handed a list of ordinary spells to Rolanda. He told her that the spellbook was more or less useless, but his nervously blinking eyes betrayed his words, telling Rolanda that Trusk was lying.”

During his story Snape watched how the last bit of colour left Potter’s cheeks. Obviously the young man already had an idea what the Eye of Trusk was for.

“Well, Potter, you can imagine that the dear Queen was not amused. As a punishment Trusk was blinded and his eyes were kept by the Queen, stored in a jar and cursed to blink for her, whenever a lie was spoken in front of them.”

With his long pale fingers he took the jar from is desk, and showed it to the young wizard again.

“A marvellous idea, don’t you think? – I am Albus Dumbledore.”

The eyeball blinked.

Severus smiled and looked down at Potter’s frozen face, the eyes of the young wizard wide in shock an embarrassment. Enjoying the pitiful picture in front of him, Severus waited a moment to let his speech sink into Potter’s brain, before he would reveal the last joker.

“Now, Mr Potter, I will show you the last surprising ability this twinkling eye has. A talent one would not suspect a soulless and brainless object like this would have. The eye of Trusk has a memory; it can remember lies once heard. – Harry Potter was kept for one or two days.”

The eyeball blinked.

“Well, that’s a surprise, isn’t it? – Harry Potter does not know if Voldemort is still alive.”

The two leathery lids closed shut.

A feral grin spread over Severus’ pale face as Harry lowered his head shamefully. It was definitely a sight he would never forget in his entire life. The proud of noble and trustworthy Gryffindor a convicted liar.

And furthermore, the information he was getting seemed to be worth all the stress of helping Potter.

“Now, Mr Potter. May we start once again?” Severus placed the Eye of Trusk back on his desk, and took a small vial instead. “You may start telling me the truth about your little adventure while I disinfect your wound.”

Snape didn’t wait for Potter’s response. He opened the small bottle, and let the orange fluid sink into a fresh piece of cotton wool. When the cotton wool was completely soaked, he rubbed the antiseptic liquid gently into the wound flesh.

He felt the green eyes of Potter follow his movements, and he silently wondered how much pain this ministration caused. The antiseptic he had chosen was one of his finest. Since it was brewed completely without Iodine, it didn’t inflict the usual burn other disinfectants caused, but Severus was quite sure that the mere contact of the woolly pad must sent waves of sharp pain through Potter’s nerves.

For a few seconds Potter remained absolutely silent, and when he finally spoke, Severus was impressed that he didn’t whine about the pain, but answered the question he had asked before.

“I…I don’t apologise that I lied to you. There definitely are things I rather you’d not know and I’m not going to tell you about them. But I promise that everything I’ll tell you from now on will be absolutely true.”

“As I have told you, Mr Potter, it is essential that I –“

“You will get all the information you need to take care of my injury. I will tell you also everything I know about Voldemort, so that you’ll be able to get an idea of Voldemort’s strength.”

“You may continue.” Severus took the vial and wetted the woolly pad again.

“Ok…the wound…I don’t know what caused –“

“Potter!” the movement of Severus’ hand stopped abruptly, and he glared at the pale face in front of him. If Potter was really thinking that he could fool him again…

“No, Professor! I really don’t know. I can’t remember…I’ve been unconscious for a few days. So, your blinking Eyeball is right, I’ve been captured for more than a few days.”

“How do you know that?”

“They told me…” the young man looked down, fumbling nervously at his fingers. “They asked me if I couldn’t bear those few curses, how I’d survive the Dark Lords playtime.”

“So your injury is the result of magical or physical torture?” Snape shot a quick glance at the Eye of Trusk as Potter answered his question.

“Yes, of both…a combination, I guess. “

Severus was pleased to see that the eye didn’t blink at Potter’s answer, so the young man was apparently telling the truth. And if Potter had been captured by Death Eaters, Severus had a vivid idea why the young man insisted on not telling the details of his imprisonment, and Severus decided to stay silent as Potter continued his explanation.

Apparently, Potter had been kept at an unknown Manor near Britain’s coast. Neither did he know how long they kept him, nor could he remember all the things Lucius Malfoy and his henchmen had done to him given that he had passed out time and again.

However, the young man was sure that besides Lucius Malfoy and Peter Pettigrew, the only Death Eaters he could actually name, there had been at least three more Death Eaters at the Manor. He had overheard a conversation between three or four men and Malfoy Sr. while they had believed him unconscious, and despite of the language which had been foreign to Harry, he had been able to notice at least three different voices.

The Dark Lord himself had never been down in the dungeons, and Harry had taken it as a proof that his last fight with Voldemort had affected his magical power as much as his own.

Responsible for his magical torture had been solely Lucius Malfoy. Although Potter refused to give Severus details on the curses or torture devices, he told Severus that Lucius had been very different to the haughty and handsome man he had been before the war.

While Potter went on with his explanation, Severus disinfected the enormous wound thoroughly. His hands working mechanically on Potter’s raw flesh, while his brain was catching and preserving every bit of information the young wizard gave him.

The fact that Lucius had obviously lost the last bit of his depraved brain sent a smile to Severus thin lips. They have never truly been friends, after all.

Not recognising Severus’ smile Potter didn’t stop in his story, and continued telling Severus as much as he remembered.

For the whole time Harry had been caged in the huge dungeon of the house, so his description of the rest of the building was very sketchy.
Although Potter didn’t know if the ancient house belonged to the Malfoys or to other Death Eaters, he remembered the route he took on his journey back to Hogwarts quite well, and considering the details Potter gave him Severus was absolutely sure which place the Dark Lord had chosen as the new Headquarter.

“Bartoldy Manor. I suppose the dungeon you were imprisoned in had a white marble floor.”

Potter looked completely startled, green eyes wide.

“Yes, indeed…it was quite unusual, though I’m not absolutely sure if it was marble – the whole dungeon was quite dirty and dusty. The whole floor looked out of place. I mean, who’d choose white marble for a dungeon?”

“Someone, who spends most of his time in the dungeon and likes his rooms less gloomy,” Severus hissed. He had absolutely no interest in discussing eccentric interior decoration of Death Eater hiding-places with Harry Potter.

Either Potter didn’t realise his rising anger, or he was willing to risk his life for nosing into details that was nothing to him.

“How comes that you know the Manor, Professor?”

Severus salve-coated fingers stopped in mid-motion.

“Merlin. I’ve worked for the Dark Lord half my life; the other half of my life I spied on him. What do you think?” Scowling at the blushing man, Severus continued his ministrations to Potter’s arm. When he was finally pleased with his work, and the whole wound was covered with a thick layer of healing salve, Severus wiped his fingers on a towel.

“The Bartoldy Manor is a stronghold. The wards and ancient spells granting its safety are most powerful and nearly as strong as the wards protecting Hogwarts.” Severus stated matter-of-factly. Certainly, it won’t hurt to give Potter that bit of information.

“Lucius Malfoy had always a …special interest into the Manor. He was obsessed with its powerful wards, and always wanted this house as a safe place for his family. So, I think he has most certainly chosen it as his hiding place. But what strikes me is that as weak as you obviously are, you must have found a way to overcome all the legendary safeguards.”

The young wizard looked taken aback as he heard the hidden question of his former Professor: “Oh…I didn’t. Overcome them, I mean.”

“What do -- How did you escape then?”

“I had help…from a friend.”

“A friend? At the Manor?” Snape frowned at his former student. How unlikely was it, that there was actually an ally among the few Death Eaters, who had survived the Final Battle?

There was only one person Severus would dare to betray the Dark Lord. Although he had always assumed that Draco’s fascination for the Dark Lord was pure façade, the young Slytherin had never told him if he truly favoured the dark side. It must have been Draco.

“Draco Malfoy?

“…yes. Of course. Who else would have helped me?”

“Was he also the one who tried to help you in a magical sort of way? To heal your wounded arm?”

“Yes. He tried some healing charms and a spell to clean my wounds, but nothing worked. And he gave me the healing potion. – But please, Professor, you mustn’t tell anyone that Draco freed me. They will kill him if they know…”

Severus nodded his head. The young Malfoy was in a constant danger as long as he was at Malfoy Manor – especially after saving the-Boy-who-lived from whatever Lucius had afflicted on Potter.

But another fact was disturbing his thoughts. Draco was an extraordinary talented wizard whose spells were nearly as effective as his own, although he had several years more of practise. If Draco’s spells have been useless, his own spells would surely not provide more help.

“Draco had also insisted to contact you. He said that you would most certainly know how to handle my injury.”

Severus placed the first layer of cotton over the now cleaned wound, and held Potter’s arm as the bandage adjusted itself around it magically.

“Draco is a clever boy.” Snape paused for a short moment, staring at the young man. “Who else besides Draco knows that you are still alive?”

“Voldemort does, and Lucius Malfoy… Some other Death Eaters, too. But I don’t think they’re searching for me.”

“The fact that you can’t see them, does not mean that they are not following you.” Eyeing the perfect, white bandage at Potter’s arm one last time, Severus reached for the small box on his desk.

“But I suppose I have to trust you not to risk your life in a gryffindorish attempt on kamikaze.”

“I have a place to sleep. They won’t find me there. It is safe. “

With a short nod Severus handed two vials to the young man.

“The green one contains a very potent sleep potion. If you drink it, you will sleep for at least twenty-four hours – probably longer, considering your state of health. The second vial is a dreamless sleep potion. Both of them taken as a combination will help to recover most efficiently. But make sure that you are definitely safe, because your sleep will be unnaturally deep, and you would be an easy target for the Dark Lord’s bloodhounds.”

“I’ll make sure that they won’t find me.” Potter took the two vials with his left hand, and put them into an inner pocket of his ragged robe. “Thank you, Professor. For your help with my arm, and…well, for the potions. I --”

“We will meet in forty-eight hours. That will give you enough time to sleep and recover. You will come back to my quarters on Sunday evening, 8 p.m. sharp, so that I can examine your wound again.” Severus waited until Potter hesitantly nodded his head.

“You may leave now.”

“Sunday. Ok.” Potter rose from his chair, smiling shyly as he swayed, nearly losing his balance as he pulled his invisibility cloak over his head. “Thanks for your help, Sir.”

With a short flick of his wand Severus opened the heavy door to let his former student out. As the door closed after a few seconds he sat back in his old leather chair, releasing a deep sigh.

Obviously, some things never change. The-Man-Who-Lived-To-Be-Rescued-By-Severus-Snape was back, and back with him came the annoying feeling of responsibility for this arrogant brat.

No, some things never change.

****************

Grunting as he picked up the dirty collecting pan and the empty vials to place them into the box Severus cleaned his desk until only the Eye of Trusk was left. Carefully he took the precious device into his strong hands.

“Well done, my little friend. You have been utterly helpful as always.”

The purple eye stared unimpressed into Severus black ones.

“And I think the information we gathered today will be a great advantage to us if I use them in the right way...but I need time and a well thought plan. - Hopefully Potter will spare me his presence for some days since he has a safe place to hide.”

The huge eye twinkled.

“What the heck…” Severus eyes widened as realisation dawned on him. “Potter has a safe place for the night.”

Trusk’s eye blinked vividly.

“Oh, for Merlin’s sake…” Severus stared at the jelly eyeball. “I am not his babysitter!”


************* TBC **************

The other chapters can be found here:
Chapter one
Chapter two

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  • 11 comments

[info]liriaen

July 15 2005, 23:04:17 UTC 6 years ago

Dearest!

Konnte weder zu 2 noch jetzt 3 gescheit antworten, weil zuerst im Urlaubsvorbereitungstaumel, und jetzt erst gerade zurückgekommen -- aber gib mir ein paar Tage, mich zu sortieren, und I'll get back to you in detail.
Glad you're still posting :) !!!
And on what an auspicious day, too. Heh. ;]

[info]agadinmar

July 16 2005, 16:57:09 UTC 6 years ago

Hi zurück!

Macht doch nix! Nimm dir alle Zeit die du brauchst. (Aber würde mich schon interessieren was du von meinem Geschreibsel hältst - being the review-junkie that I am ;-) )

Oh, and I love your icon!

[info]liriaen

July 23 2005, 18:14:18 UTC 6 years ago

Hallo und da bin ich. Langsamleser is my middle name!

Zuerst: würde es mich (und andere, I'm sure) total freuen, wenn Du Replica auf Deutsch schriebest. Weil es auf Deutsch total gut käme - die detaillierten Beschreibungen, das ganze Cinematographische. Käme. Auf. Deutsch. Großartig.
Famose Details, mit loser Hand eingestreut.

Was nicht heißt, dass es auf Englisch nicht funktioniert, weit gefehlt. Es ist nur für Dich als Nicht-E.-Muttersprachler schwerer, nehme ich mal so an, und hier und dort fühlt sich ein "the" und ein "that" zuviel an. Sprich, es wäre in mancher Wendung knapper gegangen (Obacht, ich rede nicht vom Inhalt, nur vom Duktus) - Englisch lässt einen da elegant verkürzen, wo es im Deutschen mindesten einen Nebensatz braucht. Drum - mach' Dir diesen Vorteil im Englischen ruhig weidlich zunutze. Aber ich schätze, das weißt Du alles; vielleicht fehlt es nur an der täglichen Praxis.
(BTW, Dein E-Vokabular ist extensiv, Hut ab! Anglistik oder einfach persönliche Passion?)

Ob nun Snapes persönliche Satisfaktion über Harrys gepeinigtes Zukreuzekriechen genügt, um das Geheimnis seines Überlebens wahren zu wollen? Ich weiß nicht; ich denke, das hängt davon ab, wie rasch eine Nachkriegsgesellschaft zum Alltag übergegangen ist, wie schnell sie Harry im Helden-Olymp vergessen hat. Dass er ausgerechnet Snape aufsucht, hat eine gewisse Logik, und diese Argumente präsentierst Du auch alle - andererseits bleibt die Prämisse stellenweise wackelig. (Mwuahaha was schreibe ich da, natürlich ist die Prämisse wackelig - wir reden hier SNAPE/POTTER.) Vielleicht bin das aber auch nur ich, die zusammenzuckt, wenn sie einen durch Leid so reduzierten Harry sieht: Dass er Hoffnung auf Snape setzt, ist nachvollziehbar, dass es ihm - immerhin dem nominellen Helden/Märtyrer - schlecht genug geht, um den Kopf zu senken und sich anschnappen zu lassen, ist *wince*. Das Ende von Kapitel 3 hat den Wind allerdings gedreht, nicht? Heißt, sie sind jetzt an einem Punkt, wo committment (Scheiße, was ist das deutsche Wort dafür? :)) gefragt ist. Wo Snape sich nicht mehr mit einer Mischung aus Dissen und Großmut durchmogeln kann.
(Brava!)

Hmm, kannst Du damit was anfangen? Ich hoffe, das liest sich alles nicht negativ, sondern konstruktiv - if it makes sense at all.
Sagen wir es besser so: ich bin gespannt auf Kapitel 4 !!!
:D

PS: Icon? Patrick Wolf, der Süße.



[info]agadinmar

July 23 2005, 20:23:59 UTC 6 years ago

Wow! Danke schön, dass du dir die Mühe gemacht hast mir so eine ausführliche review zu schreiben! Hast mich damit ziemlich happy gemacht, da ich eigentlich auf konstruktive Verbesserungsvorschläge gehofft habe (was jetzt um Gottes Willen nicht heißen soll, dass mir knappe "Please, go on!"-s oder "Stop that shit!"-s weniger lieb sind [Naja, letzteres vielleicht ;-) ]).

Als erstes muss ich jetzt etwas zu der deutsch/englisch-Problematik loswerden:
Ich habe Replica ursprünglich auf deutsch begonnen. Die ersten Kapitel habe ich nur für mich (damals noch handschriftlich) in meine Kladde geschribselt, und wäre auch gar nicht auf die Idee gekommen es zu übersetzen. Erst als sich zwischen Severus und Harry dann doch etwas angebahnt hat und sich meine 'slash-auf-deutsch-geht-ja-eh-nicht'-Schreibblockade eingeschaltet hat, habe ich die nachfolgenden Kapitel auf englisch geschrieben. Weil ich irgendwie an der Geschichte hänge (k.A. warum. Mag irgendwie den gebeutelten Harry...außerdem war es meine erste Potter-ff...:-/ *schulterzuck*) habe ich dann letztendlich die anderen Kapitel übersetzt - bzw. bin noch dabei.

Du hast übrigens recht damit: Auf deutsch funktioniert es (meiner Meinung nach sogar besser, weil ich einfach sprachlich sicherer bin), aber es wird unterirdisch schlecht sobald die erste sexual tension aufkommen soll (was sie aber natürlich nicht macht, da es auf deutsch nicht knistern will).

Was sprachliche Kniffe im Englischen angeht, bin ich relativ unbedarft *schäm*. Ich schreibe eigentlich hauptsächlich nach Gefühl (was mich relativ häufig im Stich läßt), und hoffe dann auf meine fleißige beta. Von daher kannst du durchaus recht haben, dass ich häufig sprachliche Umwege nehme, die ein native speaker nicht machen würde (mir fallen sie meistens nicht mal auf, also mich ruhig mit der Nase draufstoßen -> Bin für jeden Tip dankbar!).
Was meinen Wortschatz angeht: Danke sehr! Englische Bücher sind mein Hobby (fürchte, ich bin leicht anglophil) und ich lese und sehe Filme eigentlich wenn möglich im O-Ton. Finde Fremdsprachen ansich halt total faszinierend, und versuche mich auch immer wieder an neuen - aber Englisch ist momentan mein fav.
Daher schreibe ich auch in englisch, in der Hoffnung meine Schwächen zu verbessern und sicherer im Sprachgebrauch zu werden.

Was die zweifelhaften Motive von SS u HP anbelangt, kann ich nur sagen (ohne meine eigene Story zu spoilen *g*), dass sich noch das ein oder andere im Laufe der Geschichte erklären wird (zumindest nehme ich das an).
Beide haben sich nie vertraut - und Vertrauen ist auch nichts, was man sich mal eben anschafft, weil man es gerade gebrauchen kann -> Unsicherheiten vorprogrammiert.
Es gab immer nur einen Grund aus dem die beiden kooperiert haben - und dieser war weder Freundschaft, noch Respekt. Sie haben schlicht und einfach ein gemeinsames Ziel gehabt.

Was Harry angeht: Ich gebe dir recht. Allerdings denke ich, dass es unwahrscheinlich wäre einen x-tage-von-DEs-gefangen-gehaltenen-Harry mit kleinen Blessuren entkommen zu lassen, denn schließlich sind die DEs ja kein Kaffeekränzchen (BTW: Ist dir die Vorstellung vom armen Harry sehr zu wider oder findest du sie unpassend/unglaubwürdig?).
Und seine Gründe - warum Snape und nicht der gute Dumbledore - werden sich auch später noch lüften.

Wüsste allerdings noch wirklich gerne, was für dich am meistens wackelt. Und keine Bange: Ich bin für konstruktive Kritik sehr empfänglich (und ich reiß auch niemandem den Kopf ab, wenn ihm etwas nicht gefällt)!

Vielen, vielen Dank für deine Mühe! :) *hugs*

[info]liriaen

July 24 2005, 10:50:13 UTC 6 years ago

Also, hehh, :) eigentlich wollt' ich sagen: "Please, go on! Do."
Ich hoffe, das hat sich Dir auch so vermittelt.

Funky - dass die ersten Teile von "Replica" Übersetzungen im klassischen Sinnne sind, habe ich bestenfalls geahnt, eben anhand kleiner, aber nicht arger Umständlichkeiten, aber meinen Finger drauflegen können hätte ich nicht. Kompliment.

Dass Slash auf Deutsch sauschwer ist - ja, die Problematik ist uns bewusst (trekkiegrrrl hat das interessanterweise für Dänisch mitbeantwortet. Ob es sich mit Französisch genau so verhält?). Deshalb ist nur logisch, dass Du auf diejenige Sprache ausgewichen bist, in der wir nun mal die meisten Slashfics lesen - Englisch. Ich selber habe keine Antwort auf die Sprachfrage, außer, dass ich Deutsch nicht so ohne weiteres preisgeben will, aber dazu müsst' ich erstmal vernünftigen Slash auf Deutsch vorlegen, was mir bis dato noch nicht gelungen ist. Nicht wirklich.

(Erotische Literatur auf Deutsch - es gibt sie. Nimmt uns bitte jemand an der Hand und stellt uns vor's Buchregal? Danke! :))

Was sprachliche Kniffe im Englischen angeht, bin ich relativ unbedarft *sch?m*. Ich schreibe eigentlich haupts?chlich nach Gef?hl (was mich relativ h?ufig im Stich l?§t)

Nee, so oft nicht! Das hab' ich auch nicht gesagt, ey :) denn soweit ich das beurteilen kann, ist Dein Gefühl ziemlich verlässlich; es sind immer nur Kleinigkeiten. Die kann m.E. nur ein(e) MuttersprachlerIn rauskämmen. (Wobei unsereiner auch noch oft genug zwischen BE und AE herumtorkelt... ist mir jüngst in Cornwall mal wieder so gegangen... dass sich meine englischen Zimmergenossinnen in Hostels fragend angeschaut haben, während die Amerikanerinnen immer genau wussten, was ich meinte :))

Was die zweifelhaften Motive von SS u HP anbelangt...
Oh, sooo zweifelhaft find' ich sie gar nicht; vielleicht bin ich auch nur zu ungeduldig, statt eine genüssliche, detaillierte Exposition zu genießen. (And so much for instant gratification - dieses hier!jetzt!sofort! alles wissen müssen! Das muss ich mir abgewöhnen. Vielleicht sollte ich als Kur mal wieder die "Buddenbrooks" lesen. Oder, wie heute morgen im Radio voller Nostalgie in einer Lesung gehört, "À Rebours" von JK Huysmans: Exposition, Exposition, Exposition. In fleischgewordenem Detail. Eigentlich yum! Eigentlich ein Luxus.)

(BTW: Ist dir die Vorstellung vom armen Harry sehr zu wider oder findest du sie unpassend/unglaubw?rdig?).

*OMG rotanlauf* hust. Nee, gar nicht. Ich scheu' mich zwar ein bisschen, das in unserer Semi-Öffentlichkeit zuzugeben, aber sowas gehört zu meinen Nr. 1-Fetischen. (Anonyme St. Sebastian-FetischistInnen bitte melden!) D.h. meine Kritik ist an der Stelle absolut inkonsistent - einerseits macht mich Suffering!Harry total an, andererseits tue ich mich schwer, die psychologischen Auswirkungen dieses Leidens als fiktive Prämisse zu akzeptieren.
D'oh.
Wo es am meisten "wackelt"? Ich glaube, das war ein kurzer, flüchtiger Moment, wo ich mich fragte, ehhh, wie hat die Wizarding World Harry so schnell vergessen, und warum ist Snapes persönliche Häme gerade derart auf "executive override"? Aber das sind Dinge, die sich eigentlich aus dem Kontext ergeben, wie Du sehr richtig sagst.

And finally... darf ich neugierig sein und Dich nach Snarry-Faves fragen?
Kennst Du Cluegirls "Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silent"? Das war mein erstes Erlebnis mit Snarry, möglicherweise mit dem Fandom selbst, und es ist immer noch eine große Liebe. (Oh yes, there's suffering. Like whoa... *_° )

So, und nun: please write more!
*hugback*

[info]agadinmar

July 24 2005, 13:10:31 UTC 6 years ago

:) Keine Bange, ich fand deine review nicht entmutigend oder so, ganz im Gegenteil!

Was das deutsch-slash-Phänomen anbelangt, finde ich es wirklich schade, dass es wohl scheinbar keine recc-links gibt (vielleicht weil es wirklich keinen zu reccenden deutsch-slash gibt?).

Zu meinem Gefühl für die englische Sprache kann ich nur sagen, dass ich mich (grammatikalisch gesehen) häufig hin und hergerissen fühle. Besonders was meine Interpunktion betrifft. Naja, aber ich bin ganz optimistisch, dass ich das im Laufe meiner nächsten Kapitel bzw. Stories noch in den Griff kriegen werde.
Das Problem mit den Anglizism oder den Unterschieden zwischen AE und BE ist mir übrigens auch nicht fremd *g*. Der kleine, aber feine Unterschied bei "to be sick" in AE und BE hat mal für einen ordentlichen Lacher in meiner mail-korrespondenz gesorgt...

Motive&CO:
Achso, ungeduldig also? You impatient, insolent imbecile!
Ich hab eigentlich immer ganz gerne so ein wenig Schnick-Schnack drum herum. Daher werden meine Geschichten auch immer länger als geplant *grmbl*
(Wenn du dir allerdings wirklich eine Kur der lanen Vorarbeit antun willst, lies von Stan Nadolny "Die Entdeckung der Langsamkeit". Da ist der Name Programm und toppt meiner Meinung nach noch die Buddenbrooks *g*)

*OMG rotanlauf* hust. Nee, gar nicht. Ich scheu' mich zwar ein bisschen, das in unserer Semi-Öffentlichkeit zuzugeben, aber sowas gehört zu meinen Nr. 1-Fetischen. (Anonyme St. Sebastian-FetischistInnen bitte melden!)
Dann sind wir ja schon zu zweit...Ist eines meiner liebsten Themen - ehrlich gesagt, daher schreibe ich es wohl auch. Und aus demselben Grund scheue ich mich auch nicht davor den armen Harry in ein totales Wrack zu verwandeln.
Von der wundert es wohl auch nicht, dass ich H/C und D!/s! Fics mag.

Meinen Enizug in HP-Fandom hat allerdings nicht eine Snarry-Fic, sondern ein Snack ausgelöst. Angefixt wurde ich damals mit einer story von Fabula Rasa. Die Story heißt "Rat's Alley" und ist bei www.restrictedsection.org zu finden (SS/SB angsty fic, absolut klasse, obwohl ich diese Snape=Vampire Geschichte eigentlich nicht mag bzw. jetzt nicht mehr mag); "Repechage" ebenfalls von Fabula ist auch eine gute Story.
Meine erste Snarry story war "Something to write on" and I love it! (Jaja, das erste Mal vergißt man nie :-P) Die Fortsetzung (Quill&Ink)ist übrigens noch ein wenig schöner. Beide finden sich in der restricted section.

Inzwischen habe ich allerdings noch sehr viele schöne Geschichten gelesen, und wenn du Interesse hast kann ich dir gerne mal ein paar reccs fertig machen. Wär allerdings gut, wenn ich eine grobe Richtschnur hätte. Irgendwelche bevorzugten Kinks oder irgendwelche Squicks?

Die Geschichte von Cluegirl kenn ich noch nicht, werde aber das wohl im Laufe des Tages ändern *g*.

[info]agadinmar

July 24 2005, 13:13:14 UTC 6 years ago

Oh, was ich ganz vergessen habe "Quill&Ink" und "Something to write on" sind übrigens von Cybele

[info]liriaen

July 25 2005, 09:28:40 UTC 6 years ago

Tee-hee, wir müssen das hier langsam mal auf email umhieven :) Andererseits offeriert uns LJ einen dicken Mainframe :)

Danke für die Recs! Ich werde mich sukzessive durchfransen. Nachdem ich Dir Cluegirls Story empfohlen hatte, habe ich sie mir wieder rausgegraben und neugelesen und bin immer noch... guh. (Wie gesagt, St Sebastian-shippers anonymous, plus ein fantastisches Familienportrait der Malfoys - wer kann dazu schon nein sagen?!)

Ja, die Entdeckung der Langsamkeit... tolles Buch! Auf meiner Leseliste steht (neben HBP) nun erstmal "Saturday" von Ian McEwan, und die Blake-Bio von Peter Ackroyd, die ich zwar die ganze Zeit im Urlaub mitgeschleppt hatte, aber immer nur 2 Seiten schaffte, ehe mir der Kopf sabbernd aufs Kissen sank.

Kinks? Plenty. Pain... *ahem*
Squicks? Few. Hagrid, Filch und Dobby in jeglicher Paarung, glaube ich :)

Fantastisch finde ich...
http://www.underlucius.erastes.com/greenlights.htm
http://www.lasairandmaya.com/DSOL.html (guh, harte Kost, psychisch)
http://yearningvoid.net/stories/julad/000080.html (und das darauf folgende Transfigurations)
So gut wie alles von Hackthis ("Trade" ist supersexy, und das in einer nicht-magischen Jetztzeit verortet... aber auch das "1000th Man"-Verse, like whoa.), grandiose Crackfics von Helenish & Co., und natürlich...
http://www.squidge.org/~kali/cmi.html und
http://www.squidge.org/~kali/give.html.

Letzteres war die Story meines Winters - friggin' incredible. Enjoy!

[info]agadinmar

July 25 2005, 19:13:44 UTC 6 years ago

Oh, die Story von Cluegirl hat wirklich meine Begeisterung gefunden! Habe sie zwar noch nicht komplett lesen können, da ich mein persönlicher Stressfaktor heute wieder relativ hoch war, aber ich werde morgen das letzte Drittel lesen. :)
Sehr schöne Geschichte...hach.

Die Geschichten von Cybele bedienen zwar eher andere Kinks, aber du hattest mich ja auch nach meinem Snarry-Einstieg gefragt ;).

Was deine Squicks angeht: Ich habe tatsächlich mal eine gute Filch-story gelesen (die dir, wenn du pain und ein kleines bisserl bloodplay magst) vielleicht auch gefallen dürfte.

Auf die neuen Links und die damit verbunden stories freue ich mich schon (so ich denn morgen ein wenig mehr Zeit habe *grmbl*).

So, nun noch schnell ein paar Lese-Tipps von mir:
"A Fracture of A Mind's Eye" by Rushlight dürfte dir bestimmt gefallen (ein wenig mindfucking, slavery, bondage, plus various Harry/XX)
http://slashcity.org/rushlight/mindseye.htm
Eine Slave!Harry-Fic, die ich noch in recht guter Erinnerung habe ist übrigens: "Childe Harry to the dark Tower came" von Isolde http://archive.skyehawke.com/story.php?no=448 (Uhm, vorausgesetzt du hast keine Aversion gegen chan-stories. Bin mir nämlich nicht mehr ganz sicher, ob Harry jenseits a-o-c ist)
Oh, und noch ein Link zu Venivincere:
http://archive.skyehawke.com/story.php?no=7360 (Spanking!Snape...uhm...)

Achso, für alles weitere: Send your owls to -> the21stcenturydoll@yahoo.de

[info]alliekatgal

July 16 2005, 01:07:39 UTC 6 years ago

Really looking forward to more of this. The description of Harry's arm was quite vivid - poor Snape! And now he has to track him down, and make sure he's safe. Loved the eyeball!

[info]agadinmar

July 16 2005, 17:12:07 UTC 6 years ago

I am glad you like it. :-)
And I am really happy that you liked the eyeball-idea. I wanted to give Severus some magic gimmicks as relicts of his days as a DE/spy.

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